Many romantic connections fade before they ever get the chance to truly blossom. The feeling of longing for a former partner often remains even after a relationship ends. There are many people who cannot forget their ex-partners even after a breakup. In fact, not being able to forget an ex-partner is a normal brain response caused by chemical withdrawal and selective memory, and not a personal weakness. Social norms often act as a barrier when entering a new relationship or maintaining contact with an ex-partner, especially after marriage. Also, most current partners feel uncomfortable when their wives/husbands stay in touch with their ex because it can create doubts about trust and emotional focus. However, there is a country where one does not have to answer to anyone for meeting her/his ex-partner.

Spouses and partners gather and willingly watch each other reconnect with their former flames on the 27th day of the third Lunar Month annually in Vietnam as part of a centuries-old tradition. It takes place at Khau Vai Love Market of Mèo Vạc District in Vietnam’s Ha Giang Province. Although the word market is there, it is not a marketplace for purchasing and selling products. Instead, it is a cultural gathering centred around stories of human love, old relationships, memories and separation. Former lovers, who could not marry often due to family or tribal restrictions, reunite to talk, share memories and honour their past connection at this market.

A tragic legend is associated with the Khau Vai love market. As per the legend, a poor Nung man named Ba fell deeply in love with a beautiful Giay woman named Ut. However, their different ethnic backgrounds and strict tribal customs caused friction, as well as fierce conflict, between their families and villages. To stop the bloodshed and violence, the couple made a sorrowful choice to part ways. Before separating, they promised to meet at Khau Vai on the 27th day of the third Lunar Month every year to share memories and honour their love.

The tradition of the Khau Vai love market gradually evolved from this very legend. While the main market day falls on the 27th lunar day, overall festivities and cultural activities often span across three days from the 26th to the 28th (in late April or early May). On those days, hundreds of people from various mountainous regions of North Vietnam gather there. The gathering is famous for allowing former romantic partners to meet, talk and share memories peacefully, often with the knowledge of their current spouses.

The local culture does not view the meeting of former sweethearts as infidelity or betrayal. Rather, it is a social custom of acknowledging a past relationship and honouring the memories associated with it. It is a unique cultural tradition for married couples to attend the festival together before briefly separating to respectfully reunite with their former partners. Most importantly, the past relationship does not affect the current conjugal life. It may be a cause for concern for many in the rest of the world, but it is actually a cultural tradition in Vietnam.

The annual reunions with former lovers are generally not seen as a threat to current marriages or a sign of neglect. In local tradition, there is a social understanding that one should not display jealousy or anger regarding this brief encounter. In fact, this particular event serves as a temporary sanctuary where husbands, wives and former partners strictly adhere to an unwritten social code: Jealousy, anger and resentment are entirely forbidden. The communities of the Khau Vai believe that it is possible to honour past relationships while keeping present ones intact.

Although the term Love Market is somewhat misleading, it is not merely a meeting place for former lovers. The market has expanded from a quiet annual meeting for former lovers into a vibrant, multi-day cultural festival, celebrating the traditions of local ethnic minority groups, in recent times. Therefore, everything – from personal memories of love to the broader cultural heritage of the mountainous regions of Vietnam – has become part of this festival. The incense offerings at the Ong (Mr) and Ba (Ms) temples are central to this festival, built to honour the legendary star-crossed lovers whose tragic romance inspired the creation of this market.

According to the Vietnam National Administration of Tourism, the Khau Vai Love Market Festival officially commences on the 26th day of the third Lunar Month with a ceremony where locals pray for a good harvest and bountiful crops, a ritual intended to bless the farming season ahead.

During the festival, the Giay ethnic group performs the drum dances and folk music. The multi-day event also features community gatherings, traditional food preparation and cultural rituals. Deeply rooted unique cultural events, too, are organised for couples and singles in their “search for happiness“. The event ends with the symbolic closing ritual of washing or bathing a statue of Lord Buddha on the final day.

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Published by Koushik Das

Koushik Das (born on May 16, 1976 in Kolkata) is a career journalist. Based in the Indian capital of New Delhi, Koushik writes mainly about foreign policies and current geopolitical issues, and rarely about other topics. His own political ideas are highly influenced by Antonio Gramsci, Louis Althusser, Michel Foucault, Michael Oakeshott and others. English philosopher and political theorist Oakeshott (Dec 11, 1901-Dec 19, 1990) says that “in political activity, men sail a boundless and bottomless sea. There is neither harbour for shelter nor floor for anchorage, neither starting-place, nor appointed destination. But we have to keep afloat”. (Rationalism in Politics, 1962) As a student of Political Science, Koushik loves to share his views on issues, which have great impacts on his thought process (and also on India, South Asia and of course on the global community), with his readers through his website – Boundless Ocean of Politics. By doing so, he tries to keep himself afloat. You will find some of his articles in https://inserbia.info/today/ (https://inserbia.info/today/author/kou_das13_i/), as he has been trying to assess the global geopolitics since 2003. You can also mail him at kousdas@gmail.com View all posts by Koushik Das