Love & Life: Simply Complex Issues…
The trap of love is lain all thro’ the world,
Who knows where one is trapped.
– Rabindranath Tagore (May 7, 1861 – August 7, 1941)
The great Indian poet and philosopher, Rabindranath Tagore, in his usual sense of banter, had mentioned that the trap(s) of love have been set up all through the world… it becomes difficult to gauge who would fall prey to those… meaning that love is omnipresent and ubiquitous…
It does not necessarily mean that a person is bound to be trapped by two or more persons simultaneously… as our society considers such things as a major crime! Love, seemingly, means to give one’s heart to a single person of desire… s/he is supposed to solely dominate one’s soul – rather mind, heart and body! When a person claims to fall in love with more than one person, then s/he has to face the ire of the society, as well as to be answerable to All! Even the society may start conducting researches on her/his character… but, is it a pertinent thought to ponder if it really is a crime?
Various researches on this subject have revealed that the majority of the people in this world fall in love with more than one person… while some of them tend to maintain more than one relationship successfully, others try to restrict themselves to one because of social pressure. But, why would such things happen and what is the scientific explanation behind it?
Psychologists are of the opinion that each and every person has different characteristics. It is not possible to find all of our favourite characteristics in one person, and more than often, those are found in different persons! It is hence quite natural for a person to getting attracted or attached to all those traits… or the persons possessing those. The Pituitary gland and Feel Good hormones are responsible for this!
Dr Anuttama Banerjee – a Kolkata-based Consultant Psychologist and Academic Mentor, has said: “Since her/his birth, a baby learns to love two persons, i.e. its parents, simultaneously! Hence, it is the natural ability of us to love two persons at the same time… However, we are somehow forced to be ‘alert’ in case of our relationship, or conjugal life!” Dr Banerjee, who successfully defended a PhD Thesis in Clinical Psychology from the University of Calcutta, explained that the Society recognises each and every relationship in order to meet the social and economic requirements. It also introduces some rules and regulations, apart from defining the physical relations between two persons, in order to avoid complexity in our relationships! The clinical psychologist did not forget to mention that no relation is based solely on a physical intimacy. A person, with a single sexual partner, can fall in love with another person more than often, stressed Dr Banerjee.
According to Dr Banerjee, when a person states that s/he is in love with two persons, we have a tendency to consider the statement as a marked deviation from Truth. We also tend to express doubt over the credibility of such statement(s)… However, there exist many people who perform their duties for all their lovers, and stay loyal to them as well, insisted the clinical psychologist.
Meanwhile, she admitted that feelings of joy, happiness, sorrow, depression and being touched to the quick varies from person to person. However, if someone claims that s/he loves more than one person at the same time, there should not be room for reasoning’ to consider this admission entirely as a debauchery, argued Dr Banerjee.
One of the reasons for this apparent complexity is that our society is not matured enough to differentiate between love and sex! As a result, the society gets shell-shocked whenever a person admits that s/he has more than one partner! Love does not always mean physical intimacy, while loveless sexual relations exist in the world, too, opined Dr Banerjee. At the same time, there are many people who create fresh trouble while starting a relationship only to meet their sexual desire!
Again, there are different types of love, with respect to intensity and duration. Love lasts long in some cases, while it’s momentary in others… Therefore, we need to understand which ones among them may be termed as infatuation, and which ones love. As it is difficult for a person to inform her/his partners that s/he is in more than one relationship, people ultimately select one, thus, making things complicated. The problem increases further when the situation prevailing gets measured, with different parameters… There may also be a situation when a person loves to talk to one person on various issues, but loves a different person as a life-partner!
For some people, love is like a home, where they can take a fresh breath and enjoy the liberty; for others, love is like a weekend party, which helps them remain cheerful! Now, a person has to decide which is in her/his priority-list! According to psychologists, a person feels relaxed, if s/he can spend time with her/his partner at the end of the day, else, it becomes difficult for her/him to avoid complexities…
Psychologists believe that there is no harm if a person falls in love, despite having a steady partner, and there is no competition in any relationship! However, it is important for a person to perform her/his duties properly, and to judge her/his ability to ignore the society! If the person has the (mental) strength, then loving more than one person simultaneously is quite normal!
Do we, keeping these in mind, maintain straight faces, or at least shudder from within, taking account of the prevailing moral policing, as well as the ethical standards?
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